Since my last article, my roommate and I have been more comfortable breaching the subject of sex. If you haven’t read it, check out Sex & Roomates by yours truly.
Our recents conversations have got me thinking-- Why can it feel so taboo for women to talk about sex casually? What stereotypes prevent women from actually having casual sex?
By casual sex, I don’t mean hookups with no emotion but rather sex (solo or otherwise) without worrying about what other people think. Below, I have laid out a few stereotypes that prevent women from talking about and having the firework sex they deserve!
As I was sitting in a coffee shop this morning, while a dear elderly couple sat next to me, I googled “synonyms for masturbation.” I literally hate the “M” word so, I needed to find a different option.
Here were the results:
- Wanking (so Bloody British!)
- Frigging (never heard of that!)
- Beating the meat (Eww, just eww!)
- Flying Solo (Better-ish!)
This stereotype = bullsh*t. It’s not that women don’t fly solo as much as men, it’s that it’s not as accepted for women to do so. People often believe that women don’t think about sex in the same way that men do, but the truth is that it’s just not as accepted for women to be verbal about it.
Isn’t there a saying...something like...you have to love yourself before loving someone else…? In this case, “loving yourself” might mean setting aside a little “you time” under the covers. Part of most relationships is sex, and part of sex is yourself. Our advice? Get to know yourself before trying to tell someone else how to know you! Satisfying yourself is arguably one of the most self-empowering acts.
Uhh hello - anyone watch Fifty Shades of Grey?
With the launch of this mainstream series, women were given the opportunity to more openly discuss their desires.
Many of us think that porn is geared towards men and yes, historically I agree it was. Stereotypically, we imagine men bent over their computers in the wee hours of the morning, grinding one out. However, as the awareness of women’s needs increases, so does porn options geared towards women.
In 2006, the Toronto International Porn festival gave out their first Feminist Porn Award. This award has been given every year for erotica focused on women’s needs and fantasies.
Check out this link for some of the winners for the past few years ;) enjoy!
We aren’t saying that porn is always good, but if it’s out there for men it should be out there for women. At school, I was taught that porn is bad because it creates an unrealistic fantasy that can’t be replicated in real sex but... romantic comedies can’t be replicated either. They are all a form of entertainment and fantasy! Humans live for what they don’t have - we strive for more in all aspects of life. Fantasy doesn’t just relate to sex - we fantasize about our career paths, the places we want to live, the people we want to spend time with, it’s what keeps us living and moving forward.
A relationship isn’t all about sex but, sex is a large part of an intimate relationship. For a relationship to keep going, keep moving forward, it needs to remain interesting (not just in the bedroom, but that’s what we are talking about here). Missionary for millennials isn’t going to cut it!
Drama, entertainment, erotica help us explore new roads and can help keep sex and relationships interesting. Porn isn’t all bad if used in the right way. It’s not a secret. Women watch porn. Watching sex on screen is not actually a question of gender.
Definitely not true! This statement should be changed to “women don’t orgasm as much as men” but that’s no fault of our own.
Most women orgasm through clitoral stimulation, not through penetration. Yet, many men believe, from what they’ve been taught by media, porn and generalizations, that fabulous, fast orgasms happen during intercourse (I’m talking about P in V action). In heterosexual relationships, women orgasm less than men because men don’t understand the female body all that well. That’s why, Ladies, we have to gear media and porn towards ourselves! Let’s teach these men what makes us ecstatic!
Have you ever had sex when the man didn’t achieve the O? If so, did you leave worrying it was bad sex?
I have! But when it’s the other way around, I write it off as normal. This stops now because, Ladies, we can orgasm just as much as men, we just have to teach our male partners how to make it happen.
Side note: Women in lesbian relationships often have more orgasms than women in heterosexual relationships. This is due in part to the fact that one partner’s O is never prioritized over the others and women just know the female body better.
For you ladies in heterosexual relationships - we have a task for you - go have sex where it’s ALL ABOUT YOU!!